56 Sunsets

Day 56 - As Is

My life. As is. My dreams, my desires, and only I can know if it’s true. Such a simple concept and yet how many years have gone by living life for everyone and everything else? My life. 

It feels good. The experience of these past two months seems like a dream. I found balance, I found clarity, and yet I found heartbreak and confusion. And somehow it all swims together in a lovely dance of my life. There is peace at the center, joy as the essence, and I walk along the beach balancing on the driftwood logs, knowing my balance is strong and my steps are sure. While I might not see the long road ahead, I see the next step in front of me, and I put my foot firmly in front of me again, walking on. 

Life is roaringly beautiful…and I walk on.

Day 55 - So Good

Some days are like this…just easy, relaxed, not a worry. Life is good. Tomorrow will take care of itself without any anxiety from me, and life is good. Life. Is. Good. I am balanced and whole and blissed out.

Day 54 - Beginning of Goodbye

So everything ends, sometimes before we like, sometimes long after it should have ended. When the ending begins, and it’s time to let go, the claws this thing has in my heart begin to loosen.

I don’t know how long this goodbye will take. I don’t know that I’m truly ready for it to happen. There’s a softness surrounding the sorrow that makes me know I’ll be okay. Still, who am I to decide this now? 

Day 52 - Wide Open

Living from the heart means living wide open. Taking off the filters and the safety valve, and letting it flow. This means joy that borders on terrifying, and pain that borders on the sublime. As I open, and push the edges of where emotion ends and pure feeling begins, the sensations are physical, intense.

When the feeling becomes more important than the emotion, when the heart’s song sings louder than the mind, then you know. 

This photo was taken as tears ran down my face…the cause is not important, but the feeling was so intense, so primal, that there was no need to question its rightness or wrongness. We know the secret desires of our heart; we do know when we are standing outside our own sacred truth. And the truth…it can terrify in its starkness.

What I am left with is a question, a need, a desire to understand how to step from this moment of sublime pain back into that joy. All my human, mind-driven calculations fall far short and only serve to dig the hole deeper. So I give it over to the divine, let it fall from my thoughts and into my essence. And suddenly, I’m bathed in light.

The light is love, and it’s gonna be alright. 

Day 51 - Isness

Still, stunning, serene. The emotions drift away, clearing the heart, and all that is left is this one perfect moment. This is. 

Day 50 - Seeing What Is

The clouds and emotions roll in and obscure the beauty of the moment. What we fail to realize is that the clouds add a beauty all their own. Perhaps they prevent us from seeing what we “want” to see, and expect to see…and yet if we look at them for what they show us, the world opens up another layer to us.

Realizing this, the sun breaks through and the combination is stunning. What if we accepted the clouds the same way we accept the sun…not as good or bad, but simply as what is?

When the emotions roll in, why judge them? Why fight? Maybe we are simply meant to see them, lean into them, and let them wash over us. It’s a cleansing of the mind that comes when the moment is accepted at face value, without wishing it were something else. 

Day 49 - Softly

I’m aware of the time running down here, and the thought of going home is filled with such mixed emotions. Tonight the light is soft, almost fragile, making me aware of the time passing. It reminds me to stay in the moment, just breathe and stay present. Nothing materials lasts, whether it’s a sunset, a love affair, a good book…everything ends at some point in time. The secret is to take each moment on its own accord, leaning into it, dropping the resistance to what is. 

I realize that it’s not the time we have left, or the time we’ve already spent. It’s how we approach this very moment. This very moment. This is the way we spend out lives, each breath, each thought, each passing idea or inspiration. In this very moment of softly spun light, glowing with the color of the present. 

Embrace it.

Day 48 - Keep Your Spoon

This magic moment…when so many of the things you love…friends, live music, open air, beautiful weather, boat rides, dancing, beer for breakfast, seafood. Mexico Beach Gumbo Fest…are all rolled into one unforgettable day.

What else is there to say except “Keep Your Spoon”!?!

Day 47 - So Simple

When the honesty and simplicity of the moment becomes the important thing — when the past is forgotten and forgiven, and the future is a mysterious gift — the moment becomes everything. 

I am winding down my time here, and wondering if I can keep going with all the positive changes I’ve made. I know that I’ll be back here, and in the meantime I have things to do at home for the time being. 

Did you ever lose your heart completely to a place and time? 

Day 46 - Moonlight on the Bay

The moon is almost full as it rises over St. Joe Bay. I’m enjoying a glass of wine with my new friends and beach neighbors Janice and Jerry. Wonderful people, and giving me a new outlook on some old beliefs. I’m so blessed to have met them.

This place is so stunning. So peaceful.